Marriage & Cheating - Removing The Fog of Religion

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Marriage & Cheating

Emails & Questions
Q:  Just to change the subject a little and it is about marriage, we are supposed to be true to one another until death we will part. in the time of our days how can anyone know for sure that ether partner is being true to their mate, we cannot not for sure and if that is the case that is the one thing that we can get a divorce in scripture, is that so? If anyone has one wife for two years or twenty years no one ever knows for sure. Believe me I have experience on this subject. I am not saying that I am blaming all the affairs on all my ex's because I was guilty of the same sin. Well a little more on my life. Your brother in Christ. Elliott
A:  Tricky question, and a good question at that.  If I understand you correctly -- If unfaithfulness is the only reason by which we can divorce a mate and we cannot really determine if a mate has been unfaithful then how can we tell?  Or, as you pointed out, you yourself are guilty of the same thing and know it is possible to keep this unfaithfulness from your mate.  
This being true, then, how depressing – no divorce could ever be attained -- it would be better that man does not marry.
I remember something similar to this kind of question in Scripture.  Let's have a look at what the teaching is and the disciples response:

(Mat 5:31-32)  It has been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say to you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery.

A little later on in our Lord's Ministry He comes across this question again and gives the same answer, this time His disciples have an opinion of their own --

(Mat 19:9) And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery: and whoso marries her which is put away doth commit adultery.

(Mat 19:10-11)  His disciples said to Him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.  But he said to them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.

So, to whom is this saying given?  To those called.  Our Lord gives a principle law that is not for the whole world, it is for those to whom it is given, those seeking the pure truth of His word, not the words of men.  
We have already determined, in an earlier study on Divorce, posted at the website, what the definition for "fornication" is, in and out of marriage.  We already understand that back then, as now, many called into the faith had already undergone divorce and many were already in another marriage relationship when called to YaHshua as Messiah.  This teaching, from YaHshua, is only for those called to Him at the time their minds, our minds, are opened to His word -- the time this principle law of marriage applies, not before, not in the world, but to the new man, the man or woman raised with YaHshua to life, not the old man of the world that was and is dying.  When we understand this then the question becomes simpler.  
After you were called did you cheat on your wife?  Did she cheat on you?  You would know -- we are not talking about our lives before as this rule of law does not apply before our calling because the world has gone so far off track to cover their tracks from the face of our Creator, just as humanity did prior to the Great Flood.  Today, however, our Creator changed the operation to apply only to those He is personally working with.  First Noah, then Abraham on down to the building of a nation that He would favor as a husband favors a wife – more on this later.  

This principle law of marriage applies to all called believers and applies to those in the condition in which they are called.  We find no evidence whatsoever that those called into the body of YaHshua were ever to divorce those who had been in previous marriages.  Remember, the Law of Moses allowed for divorce, so it would only be natural that many of those called had been divorced or, some, having more than one wife to boot. This would have been a common thing among the Jews and the Gentiles.  Not one word from the Apostles nor our Savior concerning the breaking up of families because of this perfect principle concerning marriage in a perfect world, which we are not living in. YaHshua allowed for divorce, remember, for the “cause of fornication”, and this exception for those in the Body of the Church, that is to whom His refining rule was aimed, as, clearly, Moses Law allowed for divorce in a much broader vain.
Paul instructs us further in the principles of marriage, to Jew and Gentile alike, called into the Body of the Messiah, the Church:  If you are married to a non-believer but they want to stay with you then you are obliged to stay with them and not seek divorce, because they do not agree with your conversion, but if the non-believing spouse wants to leave then you must let them go. Many of those called are not called as couples, but how is the believer to know if, by their new and better conduct they might bring about the conversion of the non-believing mate?  If the non-believer leaves then you are not bound in this marriage -- this is a principle for those called to the Messiah with mates that hate your calling, you are not bound and free to remarry, if you so desire, but only within the body of the Christ, only another believer – and only if the non-believing mate wants to leave you and leaves you, not you leaving them.  Of course, if you are the weaker mate and the stronger becomes abusive and even dangerous, then in such cases, for your own protection, and perhaps that of your children you would be much better served by leaving.  

Physical and mental abuse rises above mere physical discomfort but spiritual abandonment and mental murder.  Peace of mind and spiritual Joy are yours by rite of passage into the Spirit of our Lord.  While those outside of the Church, the Body of the Christ might persecute you and a mate might betray you, you are not bound to anyone one but Him, and He even says that if you are persecuted in one city then to flee to another, you do not have to stand in one spot and take the abuse.  (Mt 10:23)
See, your new life begins at your calling to YaHshua.  That is the bottom line.  

What, married 5 times before your calling?  None of those marriages count or mean anything outside of the world where the truth has been lost for a long, long time.  Paul says that if you are not bound to anyone at your calling then He advised not to seek marriage, the same response the Disciples expressed earlier, but Paul goes on to say that if you cannot control yourself (your virgin = your sexuality), if you have a great sexual drive then marry to satisfy this urge, and longing, a longing that might end up causing you to sin and even to abandon the faith.  All of this is explained in my previous study –

Your question would mean something more if this principle of married and remarriage were for the world at large.  Certainly it is a law that from the beginning, as our Lord reminds His disciples, was meant from the beginning for all mankind, but by this time the majority of mankind has gotten so far away from Him that this Law of marriage is now only for those it is meant for -- thus, our Lord says, "...  All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given". That part of that verse has confused many because many have not understood that our Lord is not calling the whole world at this time. This principle of marriage is meant for those called. You see, during the time of the Apostles and our Lord teaching them in that first century, they, the Jews and the Gentiles were not so different when it came to “divorce” one’s spouse.  The attitude was, as now, that if things don’t work out then one or the other could always get a divorce.  In those days this was much easier for a man.  A man could merely write out a paper and send his wife down the road or back to her family.  Maybe not quite that simple as many times dowries were involved.  The point is, the world makes up its own law and those laws that work seem to dovetail nicely with the Laws of the Bible, except where a law for divorce had to be allowed by Moses and by God because of the hard heartedness of man, and when I use the term, man, that is to include women as well, as in mankind.

As for the deception that comes with engaging in affairs outside of marriage and these lies being kept from the spouse there is only one answer.  What you cannot prove is not allowed in the system of law, in other words, if you cannot prove something in a court of law then it is not allowed.  Neither you, nor your spouse would be on good grounds to divorce one or the other just on a hunch.  Even the world of justice, as it sees it, does not allow for this – only if you can dig up the proof, and because this is so hard to do, at times, the law of man has allowed for divorce without reason.  Over 50 percent of the American population goes through the writing of divorce each year in this present age.  The sad thing is that this includes many professing Christians.  But for those genuinely called, as the seed that falls on fertile ground, then for the seed that falls on rocky ground and does not take root, this is not the case, but still, accommodations have to be made for those coming into the Body of the Messiah that come from split families or have remarried, some multiple times, just as in the days of YaHshua and His Disciples.  In those days, as now, the perfect world did and does not exist and part of the reason for the coming of our Lord was to call a people out with permission to start over, clean slate, new life being baptized into Him as a new man or woman.  
All of the shenanigans that went on before you have experienced the opening of the mind and the calling of our Lord to Him and the Father are what you repented of when you answer that calling – putting off the old man and becoming the new man or woman.  You repent of all the sins of unfaithfulness and come clean in Him and enter the promise and if your current spouse wants to go along then it is allowed but if he or she does not want any part of it, let her or him go.  It does not matter if you cheated on her, or she on you before, as you are not bound under that situation, in the Body of the Christ. But, to repeat, if this spouse, number one or number five wants to stay with you, then it is allowed and if she or he converts then you are most certainly bound in the Body of Christ to that person.  This bonding can only be broken, then, by the act of “fornication”, a term of sexual abuse that covers many perversions as well as “adultery”, spiritual as well as physical.  Of course if you had a mate that committed physical adultery, that would amount to spiritual adultery as well.  Spiritual adultery could be defined as someone entering the Body of Christ with you and then abandoning the faith and turning from the Christ, YaHshua, and back to idolatry effectively denying the One True Messiah.  

If you are both called, or the spouse enters the calling with you, then your previous lives do not matter, all washed away, it is what comes after, and in such a case you are both then bound to each other and the only thing that can break this bond is unfaithfulness --- just as Israel was unfaithful to YaHWeH, and He eventually wrote her (Israel) a paper of divorce.  Yes, YaHWeH, like you and I and many others has a divorce in His history.

(Jer 3:8)  And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. (My Note: According to Strong’s the word for “harlot” can include the “cause of fornication” or to play the “whore” – most recognize a “whore” as one who has sex for money, or some king pay off)

And if there is any doubt as to this being a marriage arrangement, a marriage covenant with only the People of Israel and not with the world then read Jer 3:14, where He clearly states that He is married to them.  The Covenant made with the people of Israel was a Marriage Covenant – The Old Covenant is a Marriage Agreement.  Our Savior (YaHWeH, the Word, before coming in the flesh) died on the cross, releasing Him from His marriage covenant with Israel/Judah, to marry another – entering a New Covenant, a New Marriage Covenant. While she, Israel, was unfaithful, He was and is not unfaithful -- He is free to marry another.  Much of what is written is not for the world, it is for us, and once we enter this agreement we become part of His intended bride.  He fully understands our situation, having been there Himself (Heb 4:15).  And this is something most religious communities have never understood. Imagine a God who is also a victim of divorce.  Few really see this or want to see it, a God of all Creation, actually being a divorcee. We cannot put our Creator in a box of our choosing, though many do and in so doing chain men and women to doctrines that stunt their growth in Knowledge and acceptance of Him.  I have witnessed how those outside of the Bible are critical of the churches and by this they speak ill of the Bible merely by judging these churches by their doctrines that do not allow for any sympathy for the condition of the world or chain men and women to only one way of thinking.  Many churches do not allow for the true freedom in the Body, not to sin, but freedom to be free from all religious oppression and teaching and doctrines and customs and traditions of men.  

YaHWeH divorced Israel and later her sister as well (two wives?).  YaHWeH expressed Himself as the Husband of these two -- NOT to the world, but to Israel and Judah, and them only did He marry as Nations to be loyal to Him, as a wife should, but they were not -- over and over again they not only committed adultery with other gods but played the harlot with other nations, making agreements and treaties instead of looking to their Husband, YaHWeH to protect and watch over them.  Sound familiar? Israel, today, is doing this very same thing and eventually they will see the error of their ways at the return of our Lord, YaHshua.

It is by this law of "unfaithfulness" that we are allowed to divorce, just as our Lord and God divorced His wife – of course He went above and beyond in giving her every chance to repent.  
One more thing need to be clarified: If two believers are joined in marriage they are never to remarry except in the case of unfaithfulness.  This can cover more than just physical sex outside of marriage but also "spiritual" adultery.  Say your spouse, calling on YaHshua as Lord, along with you, decides to convert to Judaism, or even return to being a Catholic or maybe Islam, or one of the Eastern religions?  In such a case you are not bound.  If, however, you are both believers and true to the Word and our Lord, YaHshua, but you just cannot stand each other then you are allowed by the Law of the flesh and of the Spirit to separate, BUT, you are still bound -- nothing wrong in separation for peace of mind but remarriage is not allowed in the Body of the Messiah.  You can, however, come back together, but in such a situation, professing believers, you are not free to marry another. All of this applies only to the Body of the Living Messiah and this is where the catch comes in.  

If you are part of a religious order that does not honor YaHshua as Savior but other gods and both people are married under this particular religion then they are bound under that religion, not the religions of Heaven but one of the earth.  It is then by their own law of men they are either bound or not bound but this has nothing to do with anything bound in Heaven as these religions of men are not of Heaven and have not authority in Heaven, no matter what they say.  However, their members are bound to the rules of those they chose to be the master of them.  This means all religions of this earth.  There is only one Body or membership of YaHshua on this Earth, as seen by the Angels of Heaven and our Heavenly Father and our Savior YaHshua.  

I hope this helps and you see the answer -- this is an answer I am confident in.  This, I do not believe is merely my opinion but is the opinion of His Word and in accordance with His teachings and the teachings of His Apostles.  

Let me know what you think and if this makes clear the question of how "deception" and "uncertainty" does not play a role in your life once you are called.  Marriages before your calling are of the world and the old man, the new man, you and me and others are freed from our previous lives of lies and deception and the path is clear, or should be, for us. Peace, Brother Dan

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